I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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