It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
