He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
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i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
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Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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