he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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