Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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