I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
