my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
