When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
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