You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
