I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
