I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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