YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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