Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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