The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
