I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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