Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
