So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
