i just had sex bonerless
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
