My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
