Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
