It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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