it hurts more in the daytime
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
