yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
