you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
