there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
