How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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