at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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