He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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