the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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