I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
