I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
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Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
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Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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