Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
