NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blow job season was short but glorious.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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