You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
The best revenge is premature balding
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
