good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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