I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
