i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
