i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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