Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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