Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
YAS. BRING CRAB.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
