Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
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I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
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I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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