You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
