I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
and she was petting her beer can
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
