Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
