too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize