i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
