I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
my liver is dry heaving
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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