I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
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