if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
