Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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