nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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