Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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