So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
