What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
