Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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