Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
