and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I want a musical about memes.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
