My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
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The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
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My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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