Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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