We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
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