I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
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