woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
