do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
