I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
