I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize