I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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