just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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