she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
this hospital has no fireball
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
