My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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