On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
How many fucks given?
0.12846
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
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