Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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