I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Randomize
