i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
