Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize