an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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