dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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